Forgive Yourself, and Forgive Each Other

As Jenny’s dad said in Muppets Take Manhattan, “Peoples is peoples. Rats is peoples. Frogs is peoples. Dogs is peoples. Peoples is peoples.” He was looking around his restaurant at his motley crew of Muppets questing for their dreams in New York and reminding everyone that we have more that makes us the same than different. 

In the same way, all of us who find ourselves in educational spaces are peoples. Some of us are children and some of us are grown, but we’re still all peoples. And we all make mistakes.

So, as educators, we need to prepare and adjust for mistakes. We know that our audience is comprised of students, and many of us have upwards of thirty other people in the room with us. For those of us in other roles, like administration, we have the students as well as the staff and teachers. When we predict mistakes, we cease to be surprised by them, and when we make them a necessary part of the learning process, we invite students and ourselves to stumble up our individual mountains together. This process ties back with the last learning norm - learning is messy, and most of that is because people are messy. 

But, forgiveness is learned. It does not come naturally. So, the only way to make sure your learning environment forgives its participants is to begin with yourself. If you are not willing to be open and transparent with your educational practices, philosophies, planning, and grading then no one else in your space will be open either. Learners learn from their leaders, so we have to model and be comfortable with practices before we can ask them to do it themselves. When I have a typo on my slides, as I did today (apparently ordeal has an “A” in it…), I laugh at myself and make a joke of it. I choose to forgive myself. When there’s a schedule conflict because of a snow day make-up meeting, you ask for forgiveness and reschedule again. There are so many voices in the word looking to bring you down: don’t add your voice to their chorus. 

However, forgiveness of the occasional gaffe is not enough. Forgiveness has to be baked into the practices as well. Forgiveness must be constant. Evaluation needs to be forgiving as well. When evaluating learners in process, there has to be room for growth, and if we are averaging the beginning of the year with the end of the year, it punishes instead of forgives, and the one who is being evaluated gets that message. There are many instances of people giving up because they weren’t good at something instantaneously. That’s a learned behavior through years of punishing evaluations. Rather, when we practice forgiveness in evaluation, we can show how we are forgiving our peoples for being peoples, and allow them to grow into better peoples. Don’t average: assess. Sit beside them in the current context. Show them their mistakes, and show them yours. Guide them through to better understandings. Be their educational sherpa: guide them up the mountain. Hold your own pack, and pick each other up when you make mistakes. And next time when we see the same type of rock in the path, learn from the mistake and don’t punish yourself for making it before. Let’s always be here for each other and forgive each other and ourselves.

Embrace the Messy Nature of Learning

One of the things that we have to understand as leaders and educators is that learning takes time and doesn’t look the same for everyone. Unfortunately, in the zero-sum game of schooling, learners are afraid of the messy because they equate messiness with failure or see a messy product as a failure on their end. When we force learners to display perfection or mastery on their first attempt, their stress and ours is through the roof, and as we know, nobody really performs well under stress – even if that’s a lie that we sometimes tell ourselves. When we help learners to understand that learning takes time, repeat performances, and revision on a process or product, then we help our learners to see the larger process and their progress in a positive direction. 

It really doesn’t matter if we’re teaching skills – how to be literate, communicate, teach, plan, lead a school - or if we’re teaching content – naming ionic compounds, conjugating for the past tense in French, factoring an equation in Algebra – when we use products to track progress toward learning and demonstrate that growth, then our learners are more likely to stay involved in the process. One of the practices that has made so much of a difference is the act of not grading practice assignments. The feedback is given, but the grade is unimportant, because the learner is learning. A grade would, for some, stunt their process of development and lead to unnecessary stress or anxiety. I can remember the old days in which I would use a grade on an assessment in early September to determine which students could “make it” through my Honors course. One family called me to task on this one year, and they were right. I was actively limiting that student because of the grade and feedback I gave. It took me a lot of reflection, but I realized that I was the barrier to student success by holding them accountable for what they hadn’t learned yet. My job is to teach, so my job is also to create an environment conducive to learning. These are environments where learners don’t feel judged, anxious, or stressed by their teachers. Let’s aim to reduce that stress whenever possible and focus on growth, learning, and development. As we find ways to shift that conversation with our learners and embrace the messy, we can find ways to shift the conversation from the past and present to the present and future. 

When thinking about the best aspects of embracing the messy nature of learning, it’s important that we all think about the first time we tried something that we now do well. My first time living abroad and trying to speak and live the language 24/7 was a challenge. I knew that there were times I was speaking sentences that a two year old could correct, but I still was able to go to the grocery and buy the food I needed to survive. I was still able to point at the tub and say “it doesn’t work” to the plumber who came to my pre-revolution era apartment. I could understand when a sixty-year-old fashionista at a bar wanted to dance with me. It was messy, but it was good enough, and when I came back from that first summer, all of my professors were impressed with how much better I was speaking and the sound of the language I was making.

When we recognize, embrace, and lead others into, through, and out of the messiness — sometimes to more messiness — we facilitate learning. We get to take our learners on a journey with its twists and turns, its successes and failures, but we always keep focused on progress and moving ahead. Messy learning is still learning, and learning that lasts is what we want the most. Recognizing the messy nature of learning allows the learner to be where they are in the moment, and encourages them to move on into different phases of the process. This allows students to continue to grow and hang with the challenge because they know they’ll be supported through it. We can all be a bit messy sometimes, and we can embrace our common humanity and progress together. Through this, we create an open, honest, and transparent learning space that allows each person to be as they are and develop into the person they want to become.